This is going to be a long fuckin' weekend. Point me some knowledge which fuckin' way is up. Do you know which fuckin' way is up, John?

I'm doing this stupid gig and now I find out the promoter doesn't know which fuckin' way is up? Why didn't you fuckin' look into this, John? To find out if these fuckin' people knew which fuckin' way was up? Sounds like we've got some sort of squirrelly operation here.įuckin' right, squirrelly. We just didn't really plan this thing through as well as we might have.' Sorry, but the Significant Others have their own agenda. 'We may or may not give out all the awards today. Welcome to this, uhhh, what is this, John?įirst of all, I'm supposed to read this to you all:

I am the only important one on this screen. I think I started off shaky but I really came on strong at the end. How'd I do on that one, John? Did I sound pretty good? That's Paul Anka's opinion on gay marriage. So I guess, who gives a fuck, queeries getting married is just jake by me. So long as I don't have to queer it up at some pansy boutiquery, then I've got no problem with Sal Mineo and Liberace getting hitched. You know I can't be seen shopping in some gay-store. Things they use in performance of their gay-homosexual proclivities.īecause, you know, I wouldn't want to have to like shopping at a special gay-store or anything. I wouldn't have to buy him, like, any gay crap would I? A soup tureen, a butter-dish, some fucking silver salad-service or something.īut, would I have to. Oh, yeah, he'd definitely be the type to register. But is that a wedding-gift? A bag of loose rhinestones? What the fuck do you get Liberace for his gay wedding? I mean, just for starters, what would I get them?Ī quandry, you got that right. But I don't know if I'd feel comfortable attending their marriage. I'll stab you through the fuckin' head with this microphone stand.īut, so, they're nice guys. I swear to everything holy, you throw one more bit of stupid shit in my fuckin' direction and I'm going to kill you. Sal Mineo and Liberace were cool cats, I guess, but if they were going to get married. So, I don't know how I feel about gay-homosexuals gettin' married. I guess that pretty much covers all the bases. I guess the right word for gays now is, I don't know, gay homosexuals. You're a fucking moron, you know that John? What's the right word? What's the word I'm looking for, John? So, I guess everyone's talking about gays getting married. Okay, so I'm supposed to comment on politics. That doesn't sound like a good prize to me. You can't even figure the fuckin' key-changes on Times of Their Lives, you sure the fuck aren't going to figure out the younger generation.Īnyway, the prize for this guy is the following: 'Two (2) soiled, greasy bandanas worn by Mickey Rourke in the blockbuster action-adventure Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.' These kids and their crazy jazz and crazy names and their computers. It's by some guy calling himself Chex McBamp.Īgain with the crazy names. It's called 'Sorry.'' Read the haiku, John. The writer of this haiku takes the interesting tact of making a poem out of the words of the other people in the band. I'm supposed to read this card: 'This is the 'The Band is Only Important 'In the Totality'' Award for Special Technical Achievement in a Haiku Involving the Other Members of the Band. Call me old-fashioned, but any country that spurns an Andy Williams in favor of one of these hep-cat jazz-rock-'n-roller types like Fabio is a nation on the decline.Īnyway. Who knows what the hell they're thinking. What's all this cursing and talking about 'substance'? Does that make any sense to you, John?

Quite frankly, I don't understand what this contest is even about. FloridaCracker (New Address!!! New Design!!!)

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